冰的世界

Food for thought

2012-01-07T05:04:00.004+08:00

Like what someone said before, last year, with regards to 人不为己，天柱地灭 but the original idiom is 人若为己，天柱地灭。
Reason? If everyone just go after one's desire and don't care about others, the society is going to crash. And one can further reason out the reason why. One can see it in histories.

Individuals' a subset of family, which is a subset of society, which is a subset of a country, which is a subset of regional countries, which is a subset of the world.

2012-01-05T21:34:00.002+08:00

Stars above,
Guard us as we sleep.
A star is dying soon.
Earth, won't u grieve?
Stars were born,
But yet fates of stars are tragic.
Born they are to suffer life,
Of the various kinds of torture the world is able to give.
But yet they strived and survived.
But yet they die in this manner.
But yet they will be welcomed with open arms at the other world.

2011-12-30T12:05:00.001+08:00

伤则痛，痛则治，
治则愈，愈则强。

Maybe I should have post this also on blogspot when I posted on my fb.

2011-12-14T19:11:00.002+08:00

To future readers
Posted on October 28, 2011
To those who will be seeing this in the future, don’t get bogged down by what u see. Look beyond. Sometimes things are not what they seem to be, this phrase’s common enough but many truely understand it. Though it will be a problem if it is common. But if there isn’t any such ppl who are able to, the progression would not be at the most effective rate and even deteriorate. Complacency is also a fault here.

Another thing. What will come, will come. It’s a matter of how you respond to it. Ur choice of action together with your personality will determine whether you will survive it or not and how well. That’s why the commonly uttered phrase in Chinese guzhuang xi “天机不可泄漏＂，＂时机还未到＂. Because if you know what has to come beforehand, you will be prepared for it and the result will change.

**Oh and if I did mention anything abt how I increase my energy within a limited time through breathing regulations, especially through manipulating heart rates through willpower, don’t follow. It’s dangerous. The whole cardiac system can go haywire and cardiac system is the most important system besides the functioning of the brain. It’s just that I don’t mind the consequence and I’m running out of energy and time–busy schedule. My physic’s weak to start with with all those illnesses and disorders bogging me down and eating up a considerable large part of my energies( mentally and physically)

**VERY IMPORTANT IF YOU DON’T WANT YOUR HEART TO OVERWORK WHERE THERE WILL BE AN INCREASE RISK OF CORONARY HEART DISEASES OR CORONARY ARREST, WHICH IS HEART ATTACKS, OR SUDDEN HEART FAILURE. Unless there’s someone there to guide and watch-out. But the best is refraining from it.

还有记得要当个不怕火的真金哦。^-^ 要经得起磨练。^-^ 俗语不是有说吗，大难不死必有后福。^-^ And it strengthens yourself. Life’s can’t always be a bed of roses. ^-

Another thing, fears and weaknesses are equivalent. They can be manipulated by ppl, depending on the motive of these ppl, it can be for worse or for the better. It’s as like what Mishal, in 善德女王said. One’s greatest enemy is actually thyself. Wait, how come I feel like I’m not just 21…-_-||| laoliao…-_-|||

This is the post I posted back a few weeks ago on my private blog. For those who want to check and see the validity of it , check it through legal means.

人之常情

2011-10-06T09:58:00.004+08:00

3/10『药医的悠然生活』难得的写得很真实并且把所有人类的劣性一一列出来－相当多的，而且也把不同类型的人类互相对比起来，可是她却能够把这些编进一个故事里真是不简单，故事的连串行也没受到影响。其他一些的online 小说家也有，只不过没她那么多。能写出这些来想必他们熟知人心(/性）^_^

其中一则：劣行难改之人何其多
不明过程/理由，只看成果判人之人何其多
只看到世俗的金叶、意念之人何其多
以小人之心看君子之人虽少但也相当多
以勾心斗角来维持生活在权威越集中的地方越明显
医术可救可杀
早知如此何必当之人何其多但若让他们重来又有多少人能够不重蹈覆辙
知士可杀不可辱之人何其多但能真正做到的人何其少
涉及到他人利益可以雪上加霜但若涉及到自己的利益或所关心的人就急如热锅上的蚂蚁之人何其多(我话是不是说了太直了些？但是看不过这项）
能分辨真正仁慈之心者与表面的仁慈之人何其少更别说执行者，所谓慈父多败儿(虽然执行者有上升的趋势）
长生不老人人想得可是活着勾心斗角、防人之心不可无的生活在原本的寿命还不够累吗
做人做得再好也有出错的时候因人再怎么说也不过是人，可是人人却不那么认为

以上是本人的看法。There's no right or wrong. There are positive and negative sides to human nature. 有了知觉才更有可能提防、戒备负面的人性(用＂腐败＂又有些言重）。

2011-09-25T18:07:00.001+08:00

No matter how fickle a flame is, it is still a flame.

capital punishment, interrogations and confessions

2011-05-01T15:46:00.012+08:00

Finally, the nation's sensitive period is over. Oops, and I just realised that I haven't written for a month, I thought I wrote something last month, nevermind. Oh, that was for the other blog, and my essays.

This post may not be relevant to the society I'm living in but still I feel that I should write about it. Great I forgot what I want to write. Interrogations and confessions, and something else...death penalty. Haiz, seems as though I'm digging my own grave again, and it's just before my semester exams...Capital punishment has always been a source of controversies, like euthanasia, and confessions are closely linked to capital punishments. Like many before me had argued, what's the fundamental reason for having capital punishment? And thus, what is the fundamental reason for confessions and like wise for euthanasia? If it is for justice, as in an eye for an eye, a life for a life, but then the victim had already died, well, in most cases, it's homicide cases. So there is the argument that it's for the family members, to 'console' them. But then, their family member's lives cannot be resurrected, so are the writers/debaters trying to say that it's to appease the family members and close ones' anguish and hatred. But then, is this justice? What is the definition of justice? And does it really appease their anger, or does it make them even more bitter? And this is also what I have my doubts about during one of the counseling lectures.
In counseling, one of the methods or rather aim is to try to reduce the family members' the 'why me/her? why they have to die?' etc. thoughts and the feelings which accompany these thoughts (I can't write the exact emotions they are/were experiencing as it's a mixture of almost everything negative,and it also depends on the individuals.), though e.g. retribution etc. But the thing is will they really be freed of these emotions, or will it cause them to have the mindset that whatever wrong the others do, they will receive retribution, and thus become bitter, full of vengeance? What is the definition of best interest of a person?

Another argument is that capital punishment is to deter potential criminals from acting out serious crimes. However, there are statistics which showed that every time a execution is made public, there is a rise in homicides, and they are one victim and one criminal. Is capital punishment sending out the wrong messages? (oh, and by the way, this argument is not original, my apologies to the person) Is it telling the public that it is alright to punish those who have committed a crime or just by do something wrong, here, the definition of wrong is being defined by the public? and thus, justice killings are carried out thus by individuals? Or on the other hand, if the conditions of the hanging place is bad ( usually the death penalty being broad casted is death through hanging), the public may be swayed to the criminals, which defied the purpose. On a side note, in lethal injections, which I just learned about a few days ago, there are witnesses to the injections, witnesses have to be there throughout the whole execution and sign a paper declaring that they witnessed the death of the criminal. The cause of death on the death certificate of the criminal is stated as homicide. Problematic.

Confessions play an important role in law enforcements. It is almost always considered case close when confessions of suspects are being presented in court. In cases which attract the attention of the public, the pressure on the investigators to catch the culprit is large, and in some cases, those investigators who want to close cases within a short period of time have the tendency to overlook certain matters and to have the impression that the suspect that they had are the criminals, there are such cases which happened and happening in real life, it's all on the frontline, innocence project website.
There is this particular case where they caught the suspect whom the neighbour pointed out might be the criminal of a rape and murder case( It's the Norfolk Four case). However, the suspect was merely trying to help the victim's husband, and called the police, and even offered to help the police. However, he never came out of the police station, which he went to offer his aid, for 13 years. The most outrageous part is that, k,the police caught another six to eight in total (cant really remember the no. It was two rows of 4. yeah, 8 of them in total. Four of them, whom were innocent, were convicted and jailed for 8-10 years until last year where they were granted conditional pardons, but not yet exonerated.)and they changed their hypothesis to fit the evidences presented on the crime scene, and the information from forensic science department, without even thinking that they might have caught the wrong person, not really the wrong person, the real criminal was one of them. However, from information gathered from the crime scene, it is quite obvious that the criminal was a single person and the testimony of 'criminals' changed according with the surfacing of new evidences, which they received from investigators. This case was really screwed up, and screwed up four innocent lives--I don't mean death. Best of all, the wrongly convicted are not even exonerated yet despite concrete and new evidences surfacing, one of which the interrogator, who was nicknamed 'the bulldog' was being charged of concocting false statements and bribery, but he was not charged for all the misconduct behaviors he committed during the time he was acting as a police investigator. Their current lawyers are still trying to exonerate them. Now, what is justice? Where is it? In another case, a lawyer was almost jailed for trying to exonerate a wrongly convicted person, the reason given for overturning the verdict was 'in the best interest of the law'. Legislations are not infallible, we have to face it. However, without legal legislation, order and peace would not be easily attained. What a dilemma. But then these loopholes and faults can and has been reducing, but much more can be done. It's fine to make mistakes, humans are not perfect, but once a mistake has been realised, it's better to correct it immediately instead of procrastinating it, which may snowball into worse scenarios, I'm very tempted to say consequences but the word would not fit into the phrase.

The above case mentioned also shows the immense psychological pressure which the suspects undergo in the interrogation rooms, where the phrasing of questions, the setting of the interrogation rooms also add to the pressure, which caused them to confess to crimes they did not commit. True, when facing hardcore criminals, the investigators have to do so, but what if they caught the wrong person, and the person happens to be a normal civilian who does not have such strong psychological defenses where the investigators do not even have to break down in the first place? It's not one rule fits all. Confessions are hard to recant. Even then when they have been exonerated, the bitterness of being failed by the legislation, which is supposed to protect innocents, the kind of self-defense they had to adopt in jail in order to survive the harsh conditions there, the views of the public ( in cases like the rape and murder case mentioned above, and it's not as though they asked for it, the procedure screwed up,)and the feeling of wanting to be free, not just physically but also free from being under someone's influence, instructions, kick in. They'll have a hard time trying to fit into the society, one video even showed that a few of them wished that they were in jail, jail was a better place for them, after they had been exonerated. Some of them may even end up destroying themselves, i.e. self-fulfilling prophecy, whereby they had been told that they are such and ended up believing it themselves and behave like what they are being told, or they refuse to listen to advices of doctors and family members on issues like their health.
Legal system, a seriously dangerous sector.
Law + media + society, a powerful double edge sword. Erm, I'm not opening a Pandora box right? Knew it.
http://www.innocenceproject.org/Content/The_Norfolk_Four.php--this is the website on Norfolk Four and on false confessions
Other e.g. Guildfold Four, Birmingham Six.
PS:Sorry, for the sloppy work, and I've kept to it. ^-^

An extract

2011-03-06T22:02:00.004+08:00

"Please do not let me stray away from the path I had chosen even though the path is unpredictable and strenuous. Do not let me run back to the path towards the animal kingdom immediately even though it is one of my eventual goals. It's relatively easy to put in effort to help those who had helped you, even if they do push you away but it is tough to reach out a helping hand to those who had once cause you much distress and hurt. However, I owe B many, but B do not want me to repay him. His idea of repaying is to help others. Thanks for reminding me that. Thanks for reminding me why I'm still alive despite my weakened body."--by A

Reflection

2011-03-06T20:43:00.004+08:00

Sorry, I can't seem to get the embeded link for this video and if I write the summary out, the impact and various messages would not be captured. It's about the impact of being jailed despite committing no crime and the number of years they have to serve before they are being exonerated, and despite being freed from jail, psychologically, they are still being chained to their past experiences in the jails and their tainted records. Beside the messages which are mentioned in the clips, the following questions ran through my mind: doesn't each one of us have such wounds inflicted upon us in some time within our life span? Even small things like not returning borrowed items from acquaintance. Aren't we similar to these people in these sense? That some of these wounds left permanent scars on our psychological being? How can we avoid such tragedies from happening? Or at least reduce them to the minimal? Just occurred to me that I'm getting more questions but lesser answers...>~<...maybe I'm getting too tired/brain juice can't replenish at the same rate...

The URL's http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/burden/view/7_hi.html and the other videos, or rather chapters, are also as important, just that this video summarises the whole issue promptly and neatly, as said by our lecturer.
The main page's http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/burden/

2011-02-07T10:04:00.005+08:00

Egypt's current political situation, the up-rise of the peasants against the corrupted government; the rise of the price of a barrel of oil to 100 bucks. It all sounds too familiar. I've heard it last year. Exactly the same as what I heard, even the figures and the year. From a video made two years back. From a reliable source. I won't state that video's title or that person's name. It's a sensitive issue. I'm actually regretting not stating clearly about this matter. I only wrote :

On occasions, I have been intrigued by the pattern I saw which is that (World)History repeats itself in all forms even though efforts are made to try to prevent them from happening, on massive scales. But now as new information made their way into my attention, me being me starts to try to get to the bottom of it. Why? Circumstances? Man-made circumstances? Human flaws? The result of the continuous old battle between devil and angel? Solution? All questions, no concrete solutions. Freak!! I seriously pray that it's 'no concrete solutions yet'.

(Impulsive)Denial in face of uncertainty and fear is fatal, though inevitable."--9/16/10

This was written after watching the video and doing a bit of reading up on Middle East online newspaper and at that time,current international news. It's clear that what the person said was and is true,one prominent newspaper even had nevermind,I'll just leave it here, though I'm not reading up to check for his reliability, his sincerity was clear and enough for me. Now, I totally understand what he said by he himself was overwhelmed by the news broad casted, which he was told beforehand what was going to happen,a few months before, as the whole thing unfold in front of his eyes. Even though, he had told it to those citizens who listened to the talk show. The accuracy of the information, to the minute details.

I really salute to him. The skeptical comments and outbursts which are written by viewers of video clips posted on youtube, which are not only on this current issue but also on the other issues like petroleum, are downright hurtful. There isn't a need to use such degree of crude language even if they don't believe what he said. The number of such name-callings, accusations and swearings is purely shocking. True, it does show that the speeches had already affected them but it's really hurtful to the speaker, and maybe to his family members. Despite taking the risk of offending those who are in control. He's really treading on very thin ice but what he receives for his effort, courage and concern for the people? But there are some who trusted him. Thankfully. (He's truely courageous, at least more than me, though he said that he's not courageous, he's just doing what they allowed him to do and that he's also scared. But thanks to him, the video's created among many other talk shows on such issues. I, for one, kept semi-silent on this current issue due to fear. Heard of bounty hunters? Oh, and that reminds me of Anna Prokovsky, I hope I didn't spell wrongly, and the reporters-without-borders. Well, goes to show how weak I am. sigh.)

However, the weird thing is that when things happen as how he said, and mind me, not predicted but just purely conveying the information he received, some of those who finally believed him labelled him as a prophet, but the thing is that he had already firmly and repeatedly said that he was just conveying the information he received from other people, not predicting. Do they know what trouble they are putting him into? And he already denied it so many times.

Things aside. The mechanism of how things like price inflation and political instability work and come about are understandable. However, the thing is that why after acquiring the knowledge of functions and the working mechanism of institutions and well, basically how the world works, it seems as though things cannot be changed and solutions that were formed are not solutions which were able to resolve the root problem. Instead, there are people(NOT ALL, only some) who make use of these knowledge for their own benefits which usually are 'treating others as stepping stones' even though some started out with good intentions. What went wrong in the process? But that's not the main question. The main question's why they are able to 'make' things go how as they wanted. It's not just pure understanding of things work, intelligence and luck. The openings or rather the weaknesses of people and the institutions enables them to manipulate the situations and gosh I don't like typing this post T^T, k, nevermind, where am I, manipulate the situations and even create the particular situations which would aid them to their current goals. ( I don't want to type this post T^T. K I sound like a whinny kid. Stop it!"局外人当个傻子似乎不错，/可苦了正义。" Remember what I said? Well, one may find it weird about my reaction and outbursts like the one above 'cos these things are nothing new but it's because it's nothing new that's why I said "(World)History repeats itself in all forms even though efforts are made to try to prevent them from happening, on massive scales". Sometimes people don't really learn from past mistakes. Including me at times. Oh, well.)

True, it is hard to have an utopia world but at least it is possible to strengthen oneself. ( I only got to this thing which I'm saying next, a few days ago, thanks to someone. Only then was I able to see things more clearly. Eh, I'm not saying that the whole thing's crystal clear to me. There are still some foggy parts. Ironically, he wasn't talking about this issue but another one, which was indirectly related to this but I don't think that person knows it.)Have a control over greed. Let not greed control one but one control greed. It's tough but possible. Be grateful for what one has. Let not envy and jealous override one's senses. Isn't greed also one of the reasons for corruption. Eh, pride is also one of the problematic ones but just put that aside first. Problems, I think these can be called problems or maybe flaws, on a personal level can be magnified into a macro-level, like what Shakespeare portrayed in King Lear, the chaos in a family, though it is a royal family, is being brought into the country, disruption of the hierarchy and thus war and chaos broke out. And also in the comics "Mafalda", family is the foundation of a society. It's the same in most societies. Hopefully this post is posted in time in face of the crisis, I have wasted enough time due to my weakness. It's surprisingly simple but yet the impact is shockingly huge. Hope that I didn't take the wrong step. Hopefully the domino effect would be frozen in its tracks.

烦

2011-01-18T13:01:00.003+08:00

看似自由非自由

看似简单非简单

看似无虑非无虑

看似儿戏非儿戏

不想知却又不能

非明显的事物

反而看得更清

是咒还是赋？

不知，不懂，也不想管。

‘船到桥头自然直’

顺其自然会雨过天晴么？

大道理，不想知，

大局势，不想顾。

傻人有傻福，

局外人当个傻子似乎不错，

可苦了正义。

*没特别的意思所在。

城市人

2011-01-07T22:59:00.005+08:00

“It’s alright
乖，没事了
不哭，不哭” 好久没听到了。
这慈祥的话，温柔的声音好怀念。
长大了， “不许哭，不许闹”成了口头禅；
强逼自己闯一关接着一关，渐渐成了习惯。
累了也不能松歇，
任何缺点都会致命。
坚强不过是关键的生存面具。
是么？

2010-12-22T22:06:00.007+08:00

"越动荡越勇敢世界变更要让我闯
一身坦荡荡到四方五千年终于轮到我上场

从来没有医不好的伤只有最古老的力量
所有散在土地里的黄载着顽强背上东方"
《黄种人》原唱：谢霆峰&周耀辉

Ps: 柳轻寒的《花与剑》写得好好哦。曲:陈忠义, 词:陈绮萱, 唱：js

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Z2y-aY8uGQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player

2010-12-15T09:48:00.003+08:00

Erm, last post was on 25th Nov, today's 15th Dec, eh, 3 wks gap...Currently, we are not just only data-processors but also machines which churn out assignments and essays. Excuses are not reasons. FINE. So yeah, SLACKING off...

The following is written on MRT train, which these came to me as phrases instead, and having no concrete theme. So by the time I finished it, I have no idea what is the overriding theme. Apparently, it could be interpreted with relation to life so here it is. I'm going to post it on wordpress also as it can also be a fiction, abt liangzhu, historical figures. Great, I forgotten blogspot cannot post pdf files....Oh, and I'll be standarising the background/paper type for all docs. Seriously, what's wrong with my spelling nowadays???? Red squiggling lines popping up in all possible places...

Why?

2010-11-25T17:12:00.005+08:00

Like someone said, then what is normal and what is abnormal?

2010-11-24T10:19:00.000+08:00

"尘世有爱，所以心眼可以穿透世情，坚强油然而生，步伐踩过花明柳暗。”

“如果刀山火海无可避免，就给自己打气吧。
稳者点，保重。
必须相信，生命总会在某个不经意的脚落，某个不以为然的早晨，还人一片雨过天晴。”

《吸一口勇气，踩过柳暗花明》吴悠律

”关怀的模样不见得少，但是多数城市人即使邂逅这些温馨小举动，也会觉得那是理所当然”
《牢牢记住关怀的模样》吴悠律

“我的关怀方式是你无法察觉的悲凉，
只能在你不经意时才锁上我心房。
你往常的亲切友善是我今生的遗憾
受伤后无悔的埋在不流露的脸上”--《关怀方式》唱：陈汉伟，蔡黎莲

这首歌明显的显露出以上的状况。

后语：吴先生这两期的作品不知怎么的觉得特别贴切，似乎被他看穿了我这惯于躲藏如一阵风的本性。唉。

Breather (through fiction)

2010-11-21T21:43:00.000+08:00

Let me take a break for today, though I have one or two posts in mind since last Sunday. Have a feeling that I'm going to fall sick again if I keep up this schedule which is exhausting me to the max. May post those posts later in the week though.

This composition is written when I was in secondary school so the content is quite immature and I found this and a few composition long forgotten when Cean was asking me for my private portfolio. Well, just take it as a breather. Can't shake the feeling that it is immature. Sounds cliche, rushed to me. Goes to show how much I've moved on.

CHALLENGE 17/3/2005
“ No, it cannot be!” I stared at the mess in front.
“ What are you doing? What are you talking about?” Miranda who was behind me, knocked into me, “all I see is a pitch dark room which no one would be able to see without the lights on.”
We came back from an excursion for dinner. I opened the door just a few seconds ago, maybe longer I did not know. All I saw was a trail of something thick and oozy leading to lifeless body. Surrounding it was more of the substance.
My sister switched on the light and in the course of doing, she stepped onto the pool. The dead body looked exceedingly familiar. Mum. Miranda let out a bloodcurdling scream. I recovered from my stance and called in the police.
Within a few minutes, the police came and cleared the scene. I looked on as they removed the body. I could not recognize her if not for the clothes. Mum’s face was swollen like a balloon. She was covered in cuts and bruises and finished with a large, wide slit on the throat. Half-dried blood clang to her clothes. After taking down our statements, the policemen left. The place was silent, too silent for me.
“What is next? Firstly, father mysteriously disappears. Secondly, threatening notes were sent to us. Now, mum is dead. What is next?!” I broke the silence with my despair.
“Calm down. If you carry on like this, you are not going to break out of your emotions and get on going with life. Just think of it as a challenge.” Miranda said coolly. With that she went off to bed. She was ivory white and tight -lipped. Anyone could see that she was terribly shocked and was suppressing it.
I spent the night sorting out my thoughts with occasional hot tears running down. I decided to go back to my holiday job which was an administrating job and sign on as a part timer. If it got worse, I would drop school.
The next day, Miranda told me that she would find a job to help out. I asked her to tell the teacher that I would not be going to school. She obediently washed the dishes and left for school without a word. I lingered for a while before going to the company.
At the company, stares were thrown at me and cut through my soul like a knife. Everybody was picking on me and everything I did was wrongly done. For the first few days, I had to work extremely hard to prove my use and was forced to skip school. I was given piles of work to do. I would go home exhausted and grumpy. Day by day I got used to it and it was only after one month I went back to school.
Things were looking fine except that the culprits could not be found by now and it was as if they had vanished into thin air.

2010-11-11T21:01:00.000+08:00

年少无知，幼时如豹；
他日成人，悔不当初。

Rights and wrongs

2010-11-05T09:26:00.000+08:00

There are two pair of sayings which caught my attention this week:

"Two wrongs make a right";"Two rights make a wrong"

"There is a right in every wrong" and there is also "a wrong in every right"

I'll leave it to you guys to chew on it. Sorry, for the late post. I only realised just now that it has been 3 weeks since the last post. I am still trying to adapt to the workload and the schedules, and to keep up my performance on music and studies so that they wouldn't have a chance to 'ask' me to drop it.

Priceless II

2010-10-16T17:38:00.000+08:00

Listen to the voices of nature and lock them in your heart.

"You think you own whatever land, you land on.
The earth is just a dead thing you can claim.
But I know every rock and tree, and creature
Has a life, has a spirit, has a name....

How high does the sycamore grow?
If you cut it down, then you'll never know
And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
Or whether we are white or copper-skinned.
We need to sing with all the voices of the mountains
We need to paint with all the colours of the wind
You can own the Earth and still
All you'll own is Earth until
You can paint with all the colours of the wind"-- Vanessa Williams, "Colours of the wind"

Priceless I

2010-10-15T09:54:00.001+08:00

If one makes an effort to explore and discover by oneself, the object of interest would not be so easily taken for granted as compared to being told. And this also reflects one's character.
（大多数）得花心思＝得来不易=更珍惜

2010-10-08T19:43:00.001+08:00

＂白雪皑皑担心雪盲，黑夜漆漆必藏空慌。＂--≪半干半湿半梦半醒≫吴悠律

Disoriented Thoughts

2010-09-16T11:31:00.002+08:00

On occasions, I have been intrigued by the pattern I saw which is that (World)History repeats itself in all forms even though efforts are made to try to prevent them from happening, on massive scales. But now as new information made their way into my attention, me being me starts to try to get to the bottom of it. Why? Circumstances? Man-made circumstances? Human flaws? The result of the continuous old battle between devil and angel? Solution? All questions, no concrete solutions. Freak!! I seriously pray that it's 'no concrete solutions yet'.

(Impulsive)Denial in face of uncertainty and fear is fatal, though inevitable.

Food for thought

2010-09-02T14:08:00.000+08:00

Recently, I came across an article which caught my attention. It was 《自污》by 李邪。Bascially, the topic was how we view the physical body, whether it is humans who made their bodies sinful or the body itself is sinful(my appologies, I really don't know how to translate this properly) I particularly find the following extract interesting and meaningful.
"我的手，是清白的，直到我的欲念催它掠夺。
我的眼，就只是眼球角膜，直到我驱动它去仇视。
我的嘴，只是两块肌肉，直到我利用它去诬蔑。
我的舌头，只是一堆神经线，直到我摆布它去当鸡婆。
我的心，也只是一个震动的肉块，直到我掐住它去嫉恨。”--《自污》李邪著

2010-08-18T15:13:00.000+08:00

人类好奇怪哦。他们往往只接受陌生同胞的优点，当对方的双重性格出现时，他们马上认定对方是个非常恶劣的人，忘了对方平时的好，没有花心思理解那人。既然想认识他，不就应该跟他沟通吗？人不只有单单好的一面还是坏的一面。只单单以其中一面来判断他人未免有些不公平吧？当一个众人认为是个好人犯了错，那人就很难再爬起来了。但是若是一个众人认为是个坏人作了好事然后再做错事时，他们的反应就不会那么强烈。是人都有两面啊。可能是因期望的不同而产生不同的反应；希望越高，失望越多。但众人的好人跟坏人的准则又是如何？凭谣言吗？再者，人类理所当然会对陌生的事物多多少少会产生恐惧因缺乏对他们的了解嘛。可是也不必怕到排斥他人、言语行为上严重的羞辱他人吧？甚至是亲人也难逃这劫。凭着他们对疾病微薄的知识，引发他们的想象力，把事情严重化导致患者承受着极大的创伤。他们得面对病患带来的疼痛、无助、愤恨、自卑已经够他们受了，还得面对社会对他们的排斥，加重他们精神上的重担。例如：过世了的Joseph Merrick, 外号‘The Elephant Man', 不但在早年被社会、家人排斥（据我所知，他叔叔没有。correct me if I'm wrong.），一度还为了讨生活而以这个外号在外国展览。但他的性格够开朗，还能够承受得了这一切。这种排斥还存在着--虽然可能没到这个地步。抱歉, 有点过度的气愤与无奈--最近看了相当多的‘taboos’纪录片和上相当多次care2网站。

回首

2010-08-11T13:40:00.000+08:00

我的生命只不过是一瞬间的绚丽，犹如一颗星星在发出最耀眼的亮光时，一瞬间暗淡了下来，还是犹如蝴蝶，还有一段时间才离开？我不得不自问。那么多年来，我只不过看不过人类的丑恶而想要安抚那些受害者，尽力安慰受伤的灵魂而坚持下来，不论路有多艰难，不论它们把我折磨得怎样。我早就不成人形了，在一般孩子还不懂事的时候。它们还能把我怎样。只不过那些灵魂太无辜了，无法自卫，能免就尽量阻止发生，即便我的力量是多么的微薄。一个曾被撕烂了而且还绪而被折磨的灵魂还能有什么余力。很累。有几次已经想放弃了。它们时而把我抛入人间地狱，时而把我捧入极乐世界，当我认为它们放过我的时候，它们却又回来了。多么残忍的事。我曾经应许过要当铁达尼戏里的音乐师，即便自身难保，也要发出安抚的曲子。一言既出，四马难追。我没想过这网站也在他的计划里，这算是我的工作已经正式开始了吧？是星星呢？还是蝴蝶？我还能撑多久？我的生命线还剩多长？一切都听他的吧。是他维持了我的生命。我存活只为了安抚。我顾不得那么多了。那你们又是为了什么而活？

我原本打算剪接张艾嘉的电影“地久天长”，但太痛苦了。不但跟大众一样被主角感动还常常看到自己的影子。对不起，我做不到。

抓住

2010-08-07T14:51:00.001+08:00

大海，茫茫一片的，
蓝色的忧郁的带伤感的，
一切让太阳温暖大海吧。
橙色的感动的疗伤的。
大地的海中有太阳，
正如生命中有苦有乐，
两者不分彼此。

云，茫茫一片的，
白色的无邪的梦幻的，
包围着太阳。
天真无邪支撑着火热的心，
让它不曾熄灭。

Poison

2010-07-28T18:47:00.000+08:00

Poison 27/7/2010

Heart--brim-filled with poison.
Despise me for all I care.
Arrows released from hatred fuelled by whimsical cause,
Fall at great distance from my feet.
Ilse Witch* reborn am I,
‘I am poison’.

*refer to Terry Brooks’ ‘The voyage of the Jerle Shannara’ Bk 3 ‘Mogawr

At age 6, Grianne heard Morgawr, the master of evil forces, killed her parents and burnt the house she and her brother hid in. After hiding her 3 year old brother, whom she promised to protect, their existence being of utmost importance --their powers would tilt the balance, she went off to seek aid, only to be abducted by them. Morgawr falsely led her to believe her brother was dead and the mastermind was the Druid and she became a killing machine with vengeance. Around 16, she became known as the Ilse Witch, Morgawr’s right hand. At the same time she killed the Druid, he managed to make her realize Morgawr’s lies and her brother being Druid’s disciple. After she came out of her trauma, with the help of her brother, she killed Morgawr and accepted the role of Druid, giving up her freedom again.

Ilse Witch

僧侣成魔,
杀家灭族.
血海深仇,
不报非人.

医者幼自,
自饮毒素.
血成毒,
体成器.
双面利剑,
挥洒自如；
挡我者死,
助我者活.

认魔为师,
成魔爱臣,
人人闻风丧胆,
艾斯魔女是也.
谁知一切，由魔掌空。

真相暴露
如怒海般
直攻冰心。
冷面铁肠
顿时乌有。
魔女成废。

弟护亲，
步阴影。
独杀魔，
还毁生。
险丧命，
幸弟助。
虽杀魔还光明，
但责任却未了。
成僧侣，还规律。
献余生，重建毁界。

《珍惜》

2010-07-24T12:33:00.000+08:00

抱歉，我最近一直沉迷于写作散文，小说，重新整理并阅读我以前写的作品（hehe,这些都还没见过世面），两天前，还因看到2007 Prelim 作文题目，开始写了一篇文章。eh, 可是到现在还没完成，还一度越写越像剧本-_-||| 有感这网站像个被忽略的孩子似的，再过几天就是下个月了但还没写出第三个。。。上个月已经少写了一篇。。。真伤脑筋。。。我还得记新曲，‘脑汁’不够用了啦。没上学怎么感觉像在上学似的-_-|||
实在想不出其他的点子了，满脑海里都是那篇2007 Prelim题目《珍惜》的内容，结构，还有其他我得学习的东西，倒不如先引用《珍惜》部分的内容。
以下是目前为止我最满意的其中两小段：
快乐像长了翅旁似的，从手心上飞走了，再也追不回。走了，头也不回，毫不犹豫地离开了。后悔么？惋惜么？那又有何用？若不珍惜，好好地对它，就算拥有了，有一天它也会毫不留念地离开。可是，谁都晓得好景不长久。但若曾经珍惜，至少还留下美好的回忆，记得它带来的欢乐。珍惜的根源是知足。懂得知足，才学会珍惜，知道它的价值。
天虽然晴朗，但阵阵微风把树叶吹了下来。一瞬间，满街都飘逸着落叶，宛如歌里的萧湘雨。是雨是叶？不知道，我什么都不知道了。一步就是一步吧。突然觉得好累，苍老了许多。风吹呀吹，落叶纷纷打落在脸上。没错，叶枯了，还可以再长出新芽。我并还没有一无所有。风吹呀吹，一步就是一步，咻。咻。。咻。。。

（其实不瞒你说，写作对我来说是个坏习惯。当灵感来时，我会马上放下手上的工作，把它记录下来。常常因为这样而感到压力重重--把它记下来的后果是必须赶做作业，自然而然完成的作业水平不是那么理想，尤其是当作业的难度很高。。。）

初冬/永恒

2010-07-13T11:51:00.000+08:00

初冬
深空护繁星；
碧湖影冷月。
空成卫；
湖成霜。
落花轻抚冰霜；
孤鹤立足冬湖。

永恒
鸟鸣轻飘至几里？
百花争艳于几旦？
笑傲众生愚，
不知何物寿。
琴心向往主宰，
凯歌长旋傲空。

没其他意思，只因心血来潮。
Confession: I did not go to any winter countries etc so I'm not sure about winter and secondly, both weren't about the titles when they were first in my mind, so they may sound a bit weird and thirdly, I'm still trying to improve my languages so there would be silly mistakes(now that I realise that I may have made even more than I know).

无私

2010-07-07T23:32:00.000+08:00

《人格是最高的学位》白岩松著
" 。。。世纪老人陆续地离去，他们留下的爱国心和高深的学问却一直在我们心中不老。但今天，我还想加上一条，这些世纪老人所独具的人格魅力是不是也该作为一种传统被我们向后延续？。。。”
冰心“对芸芸众生的关爱之情历经近八十年的岁月而仍然未老”，临终前还关心着“年老病人的状况”；一个外地学生在不知情的情况下拜托已上了年纪的北大副校长季羡林看着沉重的书包，自己则去办理手续，副校长“爽快地答应”，并等上快一小时，但却没怨言。（例子从文中取出。）

这些精神是否值得学习？冰心并没因柔弱的躯体而认为自己都自身难保还为何还要付出关心他人，也并不是为了要让自己得到求助；副校长并没因上了年纪或是职位而拒绝那年轻人反而是“爽快地答应”。看似傻乎乎的举动，它们背后的含义，所凸现出的人格是否更深奥，更高尚？人间不就多了几份温情？智者之心还是仁者之心更重要？智慧没了私心（站在自己的立场）更能体会，并体谅他人。助人原本是件快乐的事，可是只为了回报而给予的协助，关爱，反而会成了负担，甚至伤和气。自认为真正的智者和真正的仁者并无差距。

Life's like that?

2010-06-21T13:17:00.000+08:00

As I was habitually tidying and re-reading my private blog, I came across this (erm, not really as I remembered writing this entry) and thought it suitable to post. As this is an article taken directly from my private blog, once again I am stepping out of my comfort zone(actually,I had it written on word doc when I was not in country, where the place I stayed had no internet, but then I procrastinated when I came back, wondering whether it is safe to post it.) The eagle story was told by one of my teachers some time ago so the part about the exact period of time they had to undergo may not be accurate as it had started to fade out of my memory when I first wrote the text below.

2008 March 06
Life's like that?
When I walked home from school, I saw a minor near the corridor of a block near my house. One of its legs was torn but surprisingly, it was plump and shows no signs of its leg being broken. How did the minor managed to feed itself so well? How did it move around? Or did it the other minor which was near it fed it, that is why is it thin? No matter what, it needs a lot of preservation and determination with a goal-to stay alive.

It is like this in life. When you meet with a misfortune, be it physically or emotionally, you need to have a specific goal which acts as a motivation together with perseverance, then you are able to get out of the darkness in your life. However having a religion, we believe in our gods and as Christians, we believe that with God, nothing is impossible. God heals every wounds and even our conscious when we ask for forgiveness sincerely.

In school today. I had two presentations, one is to teach the class chapter 5 and 6 of Pride and Prejudice and the other was the GP IT presentation. I did not have the time to look through the notes that I am suppose to present to the class as I was doing up on the IT presentation which I had spent quite a reasonable amount of time to research but about 80% of the information was not applicable to the question that was given to us. As a result, I was not very well prepared for both of the presentations. The first one was quite smooth as the teacher helped me along, most of the time. Hence, it was not mostly embarrassing on my part.

However for the GP IT presentation, I was quite nervous and my hands went cold and limp even though we had a run through during the recess. On top of that, the weather today was cold and I was sitting under the fan. My hands turned yellowish white and sticky. I admit that I am not the very religious type and did not pray for God's help during exams and when I needed his help especially when the pastor did not preach on it during that particular week's sermon (the exception of this year's Chinese Poetry Recital). I'm quite strong-headed, stubborn as a mute to be exact. However today, I sang contempory praise on his presence in our life,
犹如草原上的小草，
蓝天中的小鸟，
我整颗心被幸福围绕
哦，我慈爱的天父
认识你真好
今生今世
我不再寻找

你使我抛开一切烦恼
喜乐充满在心头燃烧

认识你真好
认识你真好
今生今世
我不再寻找

哦主啊，
认识你真好
认识你真好
只愿分分秒秒
在你慈爱的怀抱
Just when I sang it the second time, a bird flew up and down the classroom block vertically, with a background of green forest and a pale pastel blue sky. This fits in the lyrics of the praise. Is it coincidence? Is it an encouragement from Him? It might be just a coincidence but it might also be an encouragement. At that point in time, I took it as the latter and tried to calm myself down. The presentation ended up alright but I almost made a scene of myself when I squatted down behind the teacher's table and started to tear the sides of the cards, a habit adopted from one of my best friends. Soon, I switched back to my hypersensitive self and started interpret everyone who talked softy to each other and looking at my direction as saying how weird I am and the likes. I closed myself up and avoided looking at them in the eye. However, as the day ended, one by one they waved goodbye to me, slowly switching back to my 'normal' self as I took it as after all they did not mind my weirdness or something like that.

I realised that when I start to drown myself in negative thoughts and react to my discomfort, I was not able to treat everything as normal even though they might not be talking about my faults. Even when you are down and God does not seem to help you, He might be helping you in the sense that it would make you stronger as you grow up. Some of us would treat every misfortune as 'that is life, it cannot be changed, you have to accept it', 'that is just fate lah, what can you do' but is it really fate, really 'life's like that'? Even a minor could survive despite having its leg torn and feed itself until it is twice the size of a normal sized minor. Eagles which are over forty years had to undergo a long and painful change to survive as its wings are heavy due to the large amount of feathers and its beak had curved inwards so much that it is touching its breast. They could either wait for death to come or they fight their way out. Eagles who fought their way out, used huge stones that are near their nests near the top of the mountains to break their beaks and plucked all their feathers off their wings. This whole process lasted for around 3 months. If the animals are able to fight their way through to survive these hardships and misfortune, why couldn't we who are at least bigger in size stand up and bear with all the discomfort to prepare oneself for their survival in the future? Hardships are meant to 'polish' one, doesn't it?

Is it really 'life's like that'?

苦

2010-06-03T10:02:00.000+08:00

泪，影。
怨，己。
恨，无。
苦，溢满坛。

哭着笑真的很痛，也会渐渐地把笑变成了虚伪，忘了如何笑。每逢这种时期，有时还真羡慕阮玲玉，说走就走，不必面对这种讽刺的情况，也佩服胡蝶的倔强。从小受了“Ｔｈｅ　Ｓｅｃｒｅｔ　Ｇａｒｄｅｎ＂小说的影响想弹给动物听，每次听到鸟儿们跟着旋律唱，并且还接着下一句唱，连我常卡住的地方它们都能接，心中总会无比地兴奋。因而每每听到鸟叫声就有一股想弹的冲动，若没弹反而有股对不住它们的自责感。现在左手受二度的伤，并且已过了两周反而似乎越来越严重，心情渐渐地沮丧起来。伤了人不赔偿的冷言冷语虽然完全不陌生了但杀伤力还在。“山重水复疑无路，柳暗花明又一春”，when a door closes, another opens。更何况我又不是无路可走，即使如此也“天生我才必有用”。我还有靠得住，真诚的朋友。
PS:近来，我发现关心我的人比我想象的还多。
　：怎么似乎很多人都认为鸟儿跟着唱是件奇特的事？我在学校也常常看到同学们弹琴时，甚至是ｂａｎｄ，麻雀都飞进礼堂。＠

有些后悔在这几个ｐｏｓｔ里写下关于音乐与动物的事情。考虑着要不要把这些删除掉，毕竟我始终是冰月，内心世界是不会让人轻易的发掘到，原型只是一股风．

６月６号
＠换个角度，可能城市生活的确太过喧哗，犹如三餐一概是山珍海味，吃多了也会腻。这时来个清汤，一壶茶，反而显得开胃。也许这也是人类始终渴望亲近大自然的证据吧？There is a child in every adult吧？

信心/输赢

2010-05-31T23:02:00.000+08:00

"信心，是灰以外的颜色。不必否定万事的不确定性，却也不要否定自己有确定凡事的能力。认为今天比昨天更好，是对自己的尊重。
朝露不可能知道自己即将消失，但单单在晨曦中的那份晶莹透剔，已经让美好凝集于记忆的叶尖，久久不散。”
--《也许，世界原本美好》吴悠律

“赢了世界输了自己，就像吃禁药的世界百米飞人，抢尽一时风头却失去一世风采。

赢得伪恶丑而又赔上了真善美，一个人还执迷不悟的话，就真的输得太彻底了。

如果输赢甩不掉，就该有所领悟；不要输掉自己才是关键；如此，即使输了全世界，最终打造出来的风景，也依然是风骨十足的。”
--《输赢之间赌注都是自己》吴悠律

陌生的关怀/ 音乐

2010-05-30T20:02:00.000+08:00

原来陌生人衷心的关怀是可以那么的温暖，不带任何杂念，只单单的为某人的安危而焦虑，不求回报，并且只是凭着似真似假的谣言而引发的关怀。只是一个无心让我听到的一句话竟然可以令我压抑了许久的不安与压力暂时舒解开来，整个人轻松了起来。记得最后一次感受到这般舒服是在中四时的一堂音乐课。当时精疲力尽的我们紧绷着脑劲专心的听播放的音乐，深怕听漏了答案，再次的被老师骂得狗血淋头。谁知第三个（还是第四个）的音乐是debussy的perfume in the air，咱们紧绷的精神立即地舒缓了下来，大家你看着我，我看着你，被这股暖流弄得有些昏昏愈睡，力不从心。待我们回过神来，几分钟的音乐已经播放完毕，幸而我们对这段非常的熟悉--老师经常播放这首给我们作答（其实老师也是故意用它来帮我们舒解倦意，但老师也真够大胆，就不怕适得其反吗？）。陌生人的批评，责备可以使人掉入低谷，所谓人言可畏嘛。但一句陌生的关怀可以抵挡有时这些责备带来的压力及委屈。淡淡的花香在喧哗的城市生活里显得更清新。

PS:我没看清他们的脸，所以不知是否是认识的。惭愧，惭愧。

音乐：要弹出能感动人心，甚至能抓住动物的注意的音乐其实没什么特别技巧，就如同那句话一样。音乐一定要跟着心境走。日本传统音乐，例如伽倻琴散调，则是反过来，心境跟着音乐走，心情得必须静下来，如水般清静。当然基本的技巧是必定的。因伽倻琴是从中国汉朝传到韩国新罗再传到日本伽倻，弹奏早期的琴曲也须心静如水，但未必让音乐带着心。当然，西洋乐也有须心静如水的乐谱，例如Purcell的Dido's lament才能弹出粒粒稳重如山的音符来反映出Dido无可更改的悲惨命运。我还没研究string instruments所以还无可告奉。

我手腕的旧伤上个星期复发，至今还没完全康复。这几天要减轻‘它’的工作量了啦。>_<|||

虐杀

2010-05-13T10:37:00.000+08:00

赤海，美。美得毛孔悚然。成千上万幽灵的住所反映出人类丑陋的一面--为了杀而杀。命仅仅只是个利益的交易，权力的宣誓么？飞禽走兽的命不是命么？杀害无法反抗的面临绝种动物难道就不是大屠杀么？南京，缅甸，奥地利的大规模屠杀手无寸铁的百姓是大屠杀，那这难道就不是么？人类--高级动物，同样也是动物，只不过是高级，就有权滥杀其他的动物，尤其是快要走进历史的它们么？人心是铁，是肉；良心是虚，是切？它们的泪，呐喊，无助的嘶吼声，有谁知，有谁怜？好衅，好衅的血衅味。赤海，美。美得无情，美得凄凉。

Crimson red--
the colour of sea,
the colour of death,
the colour of greed.

Path

2010-05-03T10:55:00.001+08:00

When the road most taken is closing in, is it a hint to take the road less travelled or is it to persue yet another road most taken?

2010-04-18T17:20:00.000+08:00

清澈的风，来时无声，去时无影。无法准确知晓。

奢侈品

2010-04-02T21:47:00.000+08:00

不求追权贵烟，只求化作风儿；
来时无声，去时无影。

不求冰雪聪明，只求赤子之心；
问心无愧，何乐不为?

不求威猛如龙，只求倔强如凤；
走至尽头，自燃重生。

(*事实上，易言难行啊。。。）

雨天

2010-03-21T16:09:00.002+08:00

每当活得疲惫时，快要崩溃的那瞬间，天总会在那时下起雨来，似乎是替我流了无人知晓的泪。心情总会跟着雨一样越下越大，心情越来越糟。无声无影地发泄后，心情理所当然的好了起来，如同雨后天晴，有时甚至还会出现彩虹呢。巧合？这不是一次两次的事而是好几年的事。当生活上的压力减轻时，渐渐的这些事情也淡出了脑里。近期的滔滔大雨隐隐约约的勾起了这些回忆，使它没了亲切感反而还感到一丝丝的不安，似乎被它埋怨，成了忘恩负义的人，忘了感恩它先前给予的力量，安慰。‘不可忘记他的恩典’。雨天成了鞭子，提醒了我那位在哭无泪喊无声的日子里给予我无尽的生命力的存在。

zbW, 《私房稿》

2010-03-14T21:15:00.000+08:00

“每次花谢，都像为下一次花开；而每一次花开，似乎都准备着下一次花谢。心甘情愿周而复始毫无怨言。”--吴悠律，《门前那片不弃不离的绿》

人何尝也不该这样？虽然会很累，可是至少有个目标，不让生命瞬间变得毫无价值。跌倒了就爬起来。谁怕谁。大不了受些伤。伤是会好的，会复合的。反省，吸取教训，再次爬起来，站稳，踏出右脚，再踏出左脚，走路，再次的蹦向目标。所谓经一事，长一智嘛，才会有‘姜是老的辣’这个言语嘛。“就算失望，不能绝望”，五月天《倔强》。绝望可是会致命的，完全没有了希望，就没有推动力，没有目标。若这目标是人生目标的话或是间接影响到人生目标时，那就真的糟了，负面的思想一个接一个的把自己给埋没了，自杀就不会是件惊天动人的事了。当一个打不死的蟑螂好过当一个温室里的小花小草。人见人厌好过人见人怜但生命力脆弱。（当然是在必不得以的时候。也不是做违背良心的事。最好是烦死或气死那些故意跑来你面前的绊脚石。呵呵，我够可恶吧？）倔强未必是一件坏事。

Self

2010-03-11T10:48:00.000+08:00

"To thine own self be true"
--Hamlet

Better to have a full understanding of yourself than to have others fully understand you.(知己知彼，百战百胜）And also using what I had heard from others a few years back, humans are like porcupines, they tend to want others to fully understand them but the more they try to get close to each other, the more they prick each other, getting hurt in the process. One of my friends interpreted it as as humans usually thought that others understand them well, they thought that they could say whatever they think without considering others' feelings, forgetting that others also have emotions and their own emotional scars too,there's a limit to what one can say.

Maybe that is also one of the reasons why people tend to ask for favours with those they know, believing that they have the ability to do so, and believed that they would not reject them, always saying stuff alone these lines 'I know that you are a very good person...', '以我们那么多年的交情...’. However, they forgot to consider their 'friends' position in the matter, whether they are putting them in an awakward position, 让他们进退两难。I have seen so many such cases that I have lost count and I'm just only 20 years old, no, have not even reach the age of 20. Does it hurt so much to consider others' position and determine whether their 'favours' are reasonable or not? Does it hurt to pause and think before one speaks, curbing their own desire to reach their goal and think rationally first? Going back to the first line, usually if one understand how one's emotions and thoughts work, one would be able to stop oneself from making such moves. Secondly, negatively, extremely negatively, in the world that I know, there can be betrayal and backstabbing when one least expected it. So it is 'wise'--I know that many would disagree strongly with me, to not leak out too much about oneself, as one may not know when it would be used against one. However, of cause, this is an extreme measure and it would cause one to become a loner. Maybe this is one of the reasons for one to become anti-social.

Usually the more one seems to be strong, the stronger the impact of the fall one feels. When they 'fall' or, using the more commonly uttered phrase, 'hit the bottom/pit', they not only hit the ground hard but they also usually tend to 'bite the dirt'. It maybe that they are as sensitive as others but they held back causing them to 'collect' the hurt feelings, piling them up. So when they finally collapse, the emotion is being magnified a few times. It may also be as they themselves are more sensitive than others, they put up a shield to block it off, and in some rare cases, I guess, they are so successful that they appear to be even stronger than others. Hence, when those things which hurt them are able to make their way through the shield, it hit them really hard. Just remember that no matter how one seems to be strong and 'steely', they are humans, living things, who bleed like the rest and have emotions.

2010-02-22T18:25:00.000+08:00

Music is a combination of the past and present.

2010-02-12T09:30:00.000+08:00

我刚刚听广播时，听到这首歌，觉得相当的好听，词也蛮诗意，很有意义尤其是第二段，想起了当时那部说它是纪录片也不完全是，说它是连续剧也不完全是。同时也挖起了初中的回忆。

《春泥》
歌手：庾澄庆

“漫天的话语纷乱落在耳际
你我沉默不回应
牵你的手你却哭红了眼睛
路途漫长无止尽
多想提起勇气好好地呵护你
不让你受委屈苦也愿意

那些痛的记忆落在春的泥土里
滋养了大地开出下一个花季
风中你的泪滴滴滴落在回忆里
让我们取名叫做珍惜

迷雾散尽一切终于变清晰
爱与痛都成回忆
遗忘过去繁花灿烂在天际
等待已有了结局
。。。”

Fear

2010-02-11T11:02:00.000+08:00

Some say that fear allows others to control you but some also say that fear pushes one to success. Personally I believe that let not fear control u but u be in control of fear. Fear when u need to and eradicate it when it becomes a stumbling block.
These few weeks I have been in tremendous stress due to fear of failing. However, the more I fear, the more I fail. Only when fear is kept in check then one starts to progress in one's work and not instead be a stumbling block but a motiviating force.

人言可畏心难防葬（心）

2010-01-17T17:13:00.000+08:00

《阮玲玉》赵玫
“蔷薇蔷薇
处处开挡不住春风
吹进怀一片苦海
情难断义难了

乱我心怀人言难捱
质本洁还洁去

天尽头处
香魂安在”

《葬心》阮玲玉

“蝴蝶儿飞去心亦不在
凄清长夜谁来拭泪满腮
是贪点儿依赖
贪一点儿爱
旧缘该了难了换满心哀
怎受的住这头猜那边怪
人言汇成愁海辛酸难捱

天给的苦给的灾都不怪
千不该万不该
芳华怕孤单
林花儿谢了连心也埋
他日春燕归来身何在...”

这其实不单单只是发生在阮玲玉的身上，也不只是限制于娱乐圈。人心若“贪点儿依赖”，就会习惯性的想依赖他人，当不能再依赖时，人反而会觉得自己站不住。人心若“贪一点儿爱”，并且正碰上“旧缘该了”的状况，反而会陷入“剪不断，理还乱”的困境。在这个人脉相互连接的社会里，闲言闲语是难避免的。可是当这种现象越来越腾达时，这造成强大的压力，加上之前的彷徨无助与混乱，使人走上绝路。几年前当看到和认清这些事实时，使自己变得冰冷的原因之一：绝不要走他们的后尘，白白浪费了性命，不值。

人生

2009-12-30T14:06:00.000+08:00

“人生的重大决定，是由心规划的，像一道预先算好的框架，等待着你的星座运行，如期望改变我们的命运，请首先改变心的轨迹。”--毕淑敏

乱七八糟但好玩的东东（可不是人的名字哦；P）

2009-12-16T17:10:00.000+08:00

这是我在槟城探亲时，一时兴起写下来的（自认有些肤浅。我从来没有学过华文诗，所以压韵会乱七八糟。连我自己都不知道这是属于哪类。）：

命运是残酷的
因为它犹如无常的海，可以随时突如其来的把你粉身碎骨，毫无完尸。

背景是残酷的
因为它把人隔在一个小筐筐里，使人很难在社会里成立个人的身份。

社会是残酷的
因为那里只有诽谤，毁谤，伤痛，伤痕的地方。

往童真者的背后捅刀是残酷的
因为它不但杀灭了童真还把世界变得更加阴险。

把人捧上九霄之外后却只带给他失落是残酷的
因为希望越高，失望就越大。

虽然命运是残酷的
但它使恋人相遇。

虽然背景是残酷的
但它可以使人更容易踏入社会或是自己所打并出的成绩更为突出，耀眼。

虽然社会是残酷的
但我们也可以从那里感受到善心人士的热心，真诚。

虽然暗地里捅人是残酷的
但它使人更加的坚强，自立更深。

虽然使他人失落，绝望是残酷的
但它教受害者不能高傲，
因为有血有肉的人不是万能的。

k. I admit this sounds weird....

City people: Sufferings

2009-11-22T20:31:00.000+08:00

Just to add on to the previous post, today, as per normal, I read my favourite section of the Sunday edition of the Chinese newspaper, zbW's《私房稿》by 吴悠律,besides the comics which are satire in nature and reflects our society. Oh yeah, only now I realised that this chinese name also sounds like no worries which is reflective of his bulletin. He comments on the city people, their lifestyle, thoughts and their attitudes and behaviour. This issue is on how city people magnifies their hardships and minimise their happiness, especially when conversing with each other.

With regards to the telling of hardships part, the author said that "遇上某些无法避免的伤痛，不必假装他们不存在或伤害小，但也不必过分放大或扭曲；坦然接受他们成为自己一体，脚步当然不可能因此就健步如飞，但应该不会再有先前的仓皇”，which I totally agree with the author. What the author is saying is that when you stumble upon unavoidable sufferings, there is no need to deny their existance nor minimise them nor even magnify them nor distort them; accept them as part of who you are (as it moulds your identity , like it or not) even though by doing this you would not be able to carry on life at a faster pace but you would not have hesitations nor uncertainty like before.

(Sorry if I don't make sense. I tried my best but sometimes, I just could not translate properly. Now, I'm thinking of whether to translate the previous blog but I don't know if there are chinese reading this blog, if there are any other readers besides those who have commented before.)

The thing is that what Thomas Szasz said in his book, The Second Sin (1973) "Personal Conduct", "the stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget." By forgiving, you would be able to have a better time in life as " a cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones", Proverbs 17:22, and in scientific view, you use up a lot of muscle when you frown as compared to smiling. So what for you increase your burden, making yourself worn out and, in the long run, causing one's mental state to worsen when you are able to reduce it? However, to not to make the same mistake again, one should remember the incident as a reminder of the lesson learnt to allow one to make a better and wiser choice.

Ture, it is always easier to preach than to carry out the preaches. However, if one makes a conscious effort, one would be able to do it with much practice, even I needed a long period of time to come out of the dark whirpool of negative emotions,which are a lot more intense than those reflected in my poems posted, even though I had, in a way, forgave those people and Fate. These which are what the author also said, "蹲太久的膝盖有站立的挣扎，习惯黑暗包围的眼睛有阳光刺痛的隐忧，被痛苦没顶的心灵有逃避快乐的危险”, which basically means when one had been suffering for long, one would not be able to come out of one's suffering as one would tend to block out the positive side of life.

Finally, like what the author said, when one complains about how life's harsh, encourage each other by replying that tomorrrow would be a better day, which may cause one to laugh but it is still better for one to laugh instead of frowning, 把悲愤化为正面的力量。如同我曾经在一篇散文里写的：“翅膀是要找你的，不是别人给的。。。处在繁忙、充满虚幻的社会的你感到疲惫时，不乏停下脚步，找一找你的翅膀。”是的，与其被社会甚至世界牵着鼻子走，把自己弄得眼花缭乱，昏头昏脑的犹如无头苍蝇，倒不如找个宁静的地方，静坐思考，认清方向后，再重新出发也不迟。一个人的生命中难免会遇见不如意的事，甚至会有种被推下十八层地狱的感觉，但是事情的好坏是在于个人的心态，把心态调整过来，事情大多数没有你想象的遭。生活上的考验是为了让你更加的坚强，更加的能珍惜眼前的事物。

Exams over finally!

2009-11-20T20:05:00.000+08:00

Yappy, A levels are over!!!!Sorry, I just felt like letting it loose. Haha, it does not sound like the 冰月 in this blog. K. Now switch. Back to the more familiar 冰月。

Things happen for reasons and sometimes, the reasons only dawn on us after a period of time. Maybe not dawn but some other words like, realise or the effect of the 'things' felt. It happened to me a few times and quite recently,during this period of time where it happened consequtively. Back then, I was so super stressed and stretched almost to a breaking point that when I saw a channel to relate it to one of them as I happened to interact and thus opened up with the person. I ended up blurting out everything, including the past which best left buried, except for the names of the parties involved. I was quite worried that I had let out too much and said something that I would seriously regret due to obligations, hurting others unintentionally. Recently, the others, including the person realised who those parties were and there are some changes in some of those people's attitudes, in all aspect, showing signs of changing into a better person, including becoming stronger. Only, now then I realised that I had not fufilled my agreement to 'walk in the light', not caring about the dark corners in the light nor being burnt, if it is possible in the light, and had only, truely done that in that very moment which I was so worried about. The hardships and obstacles in life were not just to mould one into a better person but to also spur others on and become a candle in the dark, touching other's lives.

PS: Even as I was typing this entry and after publishing it, I deliberated many times between the choice of delecting it or posting it.

Reflection

2009-10-23T18:16:00.000+08:00

I happened to drop by my friend's blog and saw the entry tittled mask. He was commenting on the facade which people put on just to hide or for protection and that 'no one knows the...real thing except you and yourself...'. However, I don't really agree on it. Sometimes, one may not even know what is the real thing when one wears the mask for a very long time. One may have put on the mask just for protection against potential threats but as time goes by, one's real face is easily forgotten as more and more comments were made on his/her mask. One may end up believing that that mask is really one's face. The line between reality and facade just simply blurred. That's when you get identity crisis. Scary, isn't it? Just because you want to protect yourself or to hide, you get yourself into a big mess which you might not be able to climb out.

On another note, it reminded me of a poem I had written two years ago when I first stepped into an unfamiliar school, into a very different environment.

New

New faces
New places
New routines
But where is the old?

Old masks starting to fade
Leaving an inept baby
Fending for itself
With mixed colours of blue, grey and green.

New, soft mask
Crept slowly onto
old, hard crisps of the
old mask.

Once again cutting off
From the world.

2009-09-29T16:07:00.000+08:00

To friends whom I have lost contact with

"Who are you now
Are you still the same
Or did you change somehow
What do you do
At this very moment when I think of you"
"Instead of moving on, I refuse to see
That I keep coming back
And I'm stuck in a moment "
"I still care about you
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
But still no word from you "
(Backstreet boys "I still")

Friends come and go with time but the bonds still stay.

放松

2009-09-09T23:16:00.000+08:00

仰望天空，让徐凤吹走每丝的烦恼。

赏诗

2009-09-09T22:57:00.000+08:00

“众芳摇落
独暄妍
占尽风情
向小国
疏影横斜
水清浅
暗香浮动
月黄昏”

宝林逍诗

Songs craze

2009-08-27T19:07:00.000+08:00

胡彦斌的歌词好诗意，好久没看到这种的歌词了！欣赏。

《潇湘雨》

"...
你多情无心的一笔
把我葬在等待里”

“花儿开在雨季
心碎在手里
那叫潇湘的女子在哪里
花儿开在雨季
心碎在手里
那瞬间足够用一生去回忆
花儿开在雨季
心碎在手里
那瞬间足够用一生去珍惜
潇湘雨无法忘记”

请恕在下无知，可是在下怎么好像看到戴玉的影子。

《葬英雄》

“。。。
哦谁能轮数焉
是英雄是狗熊
哦老天还没定
成为王
败为寇
还要看天命”

“。。。
这三尺黄土够不够埋你一世骂名
生死约定
真爱难寻
是多情是无情
拿命来证明
人会变情难尽
谎言很公平

这三尺黄土
能不能葬你霸业雄心
物换星移
这青史谁来留名
不要恨
生不逢时
天要灭你轮回早已注定 ”

人往往只看得到眼前的名和利，被这些蒙着眼，看不清什么是真实，什么是虚幻。

《红颜》

“剑煮酒无味饮一杯为谁
。。。
你是英雄就注定无泪无悔
这笑有多危险是穿肠毒药
这泪有多么美只有你知道”

英雄这词隐藏着多么大的包袱。英雄无泪，只能流血，尽管心里是多么的痛苦，难受，英雄只能往前冲，背负着众人的期望，带领众人。犹如林俊杰《曹操》中的“若是英雄怎么能不懂寂寞”，英雄所承受的寂寞，旁人无从知晓。

《蝴蝶》

“。。。
化作蝴蝶飞舞
天空灿烂夺目
是生命绚丽的蓝图
迎着晨露
无拘无束
到一个自由的国度
哪怕仅仅是一棵树
人间可恶
留恋何苦
还不如与蜘蛛为伍”

东方有梁祝，西方有罗密欧与朱丽叶。古代有门当户对的世俗，如今是否真的已经摆脱了这世俗呢? 又有多少不为人知的悲剧在世上的各个角落重演？

《愿望》

“。。。
找到方向揭开迷茫
学着坚强努力去闯

我想让自己许个愿望
抓颗星星坐在月亮上
我想让自己随风歌唱
。。。
我想让自己飞翔
年轻是趐膀
我要飞过太平洋
我想让自己跟着太阳
找到那片属于我自己的晴朗”

试问何人又不想如此？歌词述说着现代人的心声，可是当人步入晚年，又有多少梦被毁灭？到时，我们只能仰望天空，回想起那埋在脑海里深处的一段拥有那些梦的过往。

回忆

2009-08-07T16:10:00.000+08:00

《突然好像你》五月天

“最怕空气突然然安静
最怕朋友突然的关心
最怕回忆突然翻滚
交痛着不平息
最怕突然听到你的消息
最怕此生已经决定自己过
没有你却又突然
听到你的消息“

等我弄清怎么把文件放上上网站，再把文章-不因该是小说吧，放上去。

Stumble in life

2009-07-24T14:11:00.000+08:00

Failures are part and parcel of life. It makes us a better person. Bear it well. Bear it with pride. Bear it close to your heart. With every little step, look back to the failures. And spur yourself even harder.

"You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day (Oh.. Holiday..)
Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong
So where is the passion when you need it the most"--Bad day by Daniel Powter

破灭

2009-07-24T14:09:00.000+08:00

幻觉破灭后，迎面而来的只有冷酷无情的世界。刺骨的寒风直入心底，挡也挡不住。心再次的冰冷起来，比从前更寒冷。

茫然

2009-07-23T17:29:00.000+08:00

翅膀，又被铁链捆住了。无形的链叫我如何从中解脱。挣扎着，只会让自己觉得更累，伤痕也更多。在原地，只能眼睁睁地看着其他鸟儿自由的在广阔无边的蓝天飞翔，永远到达不了目的地。可能是确认的方向模糊了，没有一个明确的方向，你永远不会到达陆地，只能在原地徘徊，甚至动荡不得。倒不如暂时暂停挣扎，认清方向再从新出发。

《给我一双翅膀》

2009-07-22T21:51:00.000+08:00

优等生是被人羡慕的。优等生是高高在上的。优等生甚至是被大人爱戴的。可是，优等生未必是快乐的。优等生未必是高人一等的。优等生甚至有时是众人攻击的目标，是在背后捅一刀的最佳对象。

其实，一个人当上优等生是件容易的事。你只要肯在学业上下一番苦功，肯听从长辈的话，当一个乖巧的孩子，别人就会认同你了。想当时，我就是这样冒冒失失地当上了优等生。当时的我认为父母、老师所说的话都是对的，都是很有道理，便顺着他们的指示，接受他们的教诲。在他们的教导下，我渐渐成了一个品德优良，成绩良好，不折不扣的优等生。
　　
当我‘升’上优等生的等级时，烦恼接二连三地迎来。我是个很敏感，抵抗力弱的人，患有先天性哮喘。班上的人看到我是老师的宠儿，并且长期不用上体育课，只需做在一旁观看，他们对我的意见越来越多，渐渐地在我背后闲言闲语。我开始害怕上学，常常生病，天天以泪洗脸。在一个学期内，我的成绩从八十多分跌落到三十多分。自尊心强的我再一次的流下眼泪，再一次又被他们取笑，唤我‘哭宝’，是个懦夫。

面对长辈们失望的眼光，我不知如何应对，不断自责，觉得对不起他们，对不起自己。这时，我才明白什么是期望寄放得越高，失望就越深。为了不再让这件事重演，我把情感封锁了，只在单独一人时解放出来。

“冷月葬花有谁怜”，我越把我感情丰富的一面埋在心地底，越能把事情处理得妥当，周围的人越容易误解我，忘了我是人，是有七情六欲的人。十年的自我约束使我成了在陌生人眼中的冰人，在老师眼里的优等生，值得信赖的学生，把我捧上如今这个傲人的职位。我深知职位越高，责任就越重，就更要注意我的言行举止。我还是接下了这个职位，承担多一份压力，认为只有经过火焰的洗礼，麻雀才会变成朱雀。

如今的我累了，身心疲惫了，好像卸下包袱。在十八年里，我第一次品尝了渴望依靠别人的滋味。可是，冰冷的理智不应许我这么做，一旦有人想接近我，我立刻戴上了面具，使他们疏远我，能将心比心的朋友少之又少，深怕再一次的被伤害，再次的令长辈失望。

名誉、期望使我如同没有翅膀的鸟儿，行走起来极为艰辛。名誉会使人重视你，但名誉的背后是期望。我宁可当个普通的少年，宁愿思考能力差，宁愿不明白世理。给我一双翅膀，给我一把自由的钥匙。哦，不，错了。翅膀是要找你的，不是别人给的。信仰是我多年来的力量之源，是支撑我的翅膀。处在繁忙、充满虚幻的社会的你感到疲惫时，不乏停下脚步，找一找你的翅膀。

　　二零零八年十一月一日

精神粮食

2009-07-21T21:26:00.000+08:00

"人生的岁月里，对于远去的仇恨，我们是不是应该...，叩问一下自己的灵魂：在心中该留下些什么？"/流沙

“Memories”

2009-07-21T17:14:00.000+08:00

A walk down the memory lane
where the dead are alive,
where happiness ruled.

Fleeting events
haunting like
birds of prey
tugging at the edge of sanity.
Scenes which were best left dead,
reeling in rolls and rolls,
again and again…

Dead seven sins
Resurrected in the flowery lane, wait, no
in the breathing world.

Burning scenes
of sloth
of gluttony
of pride
of greed
of envy
of lust
of wrath
*burning, burning.
Waves of guilt and shame
crash into us
again, again.
Never-ending hell.
Where’s tranquility?
Ghost of the past
laid down to rest?

* or
burning, burning
burning, scorching, or
scorching, burning?
Hot? Pain?
Guilt? Shame?
Who cares?

Ghost of past
laid down to rest?
Who cares?

Hell

2009-07-21T17:13:00.001+08:00

Dead?
Not yet.
Hades said it wasn’t time yet.

Whips, and thorns (of seven deadly sins)
torturing battered bodies
which was secured to
chains that hung for ceilings
where red rubies dropped
to the pool of dried brown patch.

Screams of horror
turned into silent pleads
that was not headed at all.
Once crystal clear tears,
which rolled down the cheek
are now coloured in red.

Poison
which was forced down the throat
burned every places
it reached.

Hurried footsteps
heard outside in the forest
were silenced
by the gun fires.

With blistering foot, and rotting wounds
she pressed on
deep into the forest,
leaving a trail of black blood
that pollute the nature’s own fruits.

Soft, silent waters
that washes away dirt,
failed to do so
on the weary prisoners forever.

Dead?
No.
Not yet.
Hanging to a thread of life.
It's not time yet.

(written in 8/7/06)

冰的世界

Food for thought

人之常情

capital punishment, interrogations and confessions

An extract

Reflection

烦

城市人

Why?

Breather (through fiction)

Rights and wrongs

Priceless II

Priceless I

Disoriented Thoughts

Food for thought

回首

抓住

Poison

《珍惜》

初冬/永恒

无私

Life's like that?

苦

信心/输赢

陌生的关怀/ 音乐

虐杀

Path

奢侈品

雨天

zbW, 《私房稿》

Self

Fear

人言可畏 心难防 葬（心）

人生

乱七八糟但好玩的东东（可不是人的名字哦；P）

City people: Sufferings

Exams over finally!

Reflection

放松

赏诗

Songs craze

回忆

Stumble in life

破灭

茫然

《给我一双翅膀》

精神粮食

“Memories”

Hell

人言可畏心难防葬（心）